In the turmoil of my grief after losing my sons, I found myself swept up in a torrent of rage. Anger was my refuge from the consuming pain of loss. Each disappointment, each minor inconvenience, set off an explosion.
There’s a moment, a frozen sliver of time when the world crumbles. The loss of my sons was such a moment. My heart swelled with grief, and anger was the salve to my broken spirit. But the overreactions of raw outbursts of pain brought no comfort.
During these fiery reactions, I found no peace. I realized resilience wasn’t about escaping pain; it was about acknowledging it and learning to cope. It was about learning to navigate through my pain.
These three things helped me to move forward just a little each day:
- Mindfulness: Deep breathing while sitting out on the deck watching the forest and its animals helped me ground my feelings and bring me back from the brink of explosive anger.
- Connection: New Friends and new friends reached out to support and tried to uplift. Although I could not communicate my thoughts and paint, they provided perspective and comfort.
- Self-Compassion: Playing the “would have, could have, should have” game was destroying my sanity. By accepting the feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant, as Normal, I started to heal even though those thoughts were obscure in my mind.
Embracing mindfulness was transformative. I learned to connect or at least be present with my support system of new friends, and new family who offered not just sympathy but empathy. I discovered the magnitude of self-compassion.
