The Gold S.T.A.R. Program  – The Queen of Limitless Resilience

Having lost both my sons in separate homicides two years apart, at 18 and 24, I sometimes feel alone, even being in a room full of people. These people know nothing about me, or what I have been through, but knowing that my sons are forever in my heart helps me to rise, speak their names, and share their stories. These words allow me to continue to heal and move forward helping others to heal.

1. • Type II Diabetes was my next diagnosis, but I could have cared less. In fact, I wished I would die. I could not picture a better way to die than eating pans of brownies. Dr. Arrow disagreed with my opinion and was concerned with my mental state of mind. I was a mess, in a deep depression; life became more than I could manage. Dr. Arrow recommended I speak with a psychiatrist. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • Dr. Carlin diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and a condition called complicated grief. She said, “Complicated grief is more intense and painful than normal grief. This condition happens mostly to women.” She continued, “I am going to prescribe an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. These medications will settle you down and help you find a balance. Too many things have gone wrong in your life, all at one time.” I told her, “I have not had a drink for eight years now. I would not start to drink again and dishonor Bud and Jeffrey. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • I spent six months in therapy with a psychiatrist, Dr. Carlin. According to her, I went instantly into shock at the sight of my dead child. She called this instantaneous post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She explained, “The brain’s ability to blank out these traumatic, horrific memories is quite common. The brain will protect people from acute trauma or stress. This allows them to keep their sanity.” This made perfect sense to me when she explained it. She recommended, “Anyone who loses a child, especially under violent circumstances, should seek professional mental health care immediately.” Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • Identity, Purpose, Drive, Memory, Strength – For me, many things came to bear on July 26, 2001, the last day I ever drove a tractor-trailer. The company officially put me out on workers’ compensation. Driving a truck had been my career for over a decade. I loved driving professionally. It allowed me to raise my two sons in a manner that gave them all the things they needed and wanted. I not only enjoyed the job, the travel, the friendship with the other drivers, but I cherished the freedom and time alone it gave me. Losing my career hit me hard. As another loss, it knocked me down even further. Through the pain and loss of loved ones, I recognized with clarity that I had two choices: I could end my life or find a new passion and purpose for my new life. Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 40

1. • For me, I found the American Gold Star Mothers, Inc. organization, a national non-profit 501(c)3 corporation, with headquarters in Washington D.C. Mothers become a member; they do not join. Membership happens when their child is killed on active duty in the military. (To learn more about Gold Star Mothers, see Appendix One at the end of this book.) Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 35

1. • Alcoholic Anonymous saved me. People always doubted that I started drinking at the age of seven, but I can remember the very first drink of alcohol I had. That first drink of whiskey was warm and gave me comfort, and it started me on a twenty-six-year affair with the love of drinking alcohol. Reference:  KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss, Chapter 22

1. • Before I walked into that bar, the memory that I was supposed to call somebody before taking that first drink came into my mind. “Lynn, this is Kathy, I am about to go into a bar and give up three years of sobriety. Or I am going to kill myself.” Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 20

1. • Whatever the power of the Universe was, it was extremely horrible to me. My parents, from two different religions, never picked one to raise their children in, so we never took part in organized religion. Their God was a mystery to me. However, I became a very spiritual person through my Guardian Angels and a power greater than myself, whom I chose to call They. Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 5

1. • • I share stories about Bud and Jeffrey all the time. Sharing their stories keeps them alive in me and the world.
     • Here is a funny story about Jeffrey’s trip to the Tahitian Islands, which are part of French Polynesia. Jeffrey thought it weird that I always said “Hello” or “Good Morning” to the people I passed. “Mom, you don’t have to talk to everybody. You’re like Grandma Melinda.” Jeffrey suddenly realized the women sunbathing did not have the tops of their swimsuits on. He could not believe his eyes. Things looked up quickly for a fifteen-year-old boy going through puberty at an all-boys boarding school. He smiled and said, “Good morning!” I said, “Jeffrey, look about ten inches higher when you say Good morning, and it will mean a whole lot more to the ladies.” Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder Chapter 21

    

   • “I took my physical today, and they said I cannot go to war because I still have my wisdom teeth.” “What the heck do your teeth have to do with going to war?” “Well, because you took all that calcium, I never had a cavity. My wisdom teeth did not come through either.” I thought his story was hilarious. Bud did not laugh. “Mom, this is not funny. It’s ruining my life and my career.” “Bud, really, how is this ruining your career?” “Now I am going to have to stay back two weeks and get my wisdom teeth pulled. The guys will all leave without me, and I will miss the war!” “I am sure the war will still be going on in two weeks. Bud, I’d rather you never went to war.” Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 21

1. • I no longer remember or dwell on the bad things that happened in our lives together. I share funny, happy stories about their lives.

1. • Bud, Jeffrey, and I loved living in Hawaii, other than my relationship with G.I. Ranger. He was a good father figure to Bud and Jeffrey. He taught them boy things. He took them camping on the beach and taught them to surf and fish. He must have missed his children. Bud and Jeffrey received the better end of my second marriage. They loved the military and wore camouflage outfits like G.I. Ranger. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder Chapter 15

1. • Kim and I bought a standard poodle puppy we called Keleli, in memory of Jeffrey at rest in Hawaii. When Bud came up to meet the new puppy, he decided to take her outside the dog yard to look at the new fence. I called out, “Bud, put her leash on.” “Don’t worry Mom. She won’t go anywhere.” Next thing we knew, Bud was chasing Keleli around the outside of the house. Kim and I laughed at the escapades out the window. Bud finally caught Keleli, but never admitted to us that he should have put her leash on. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 3

1. • I serve as the President of my local chapter of the American Gold Star Mothers, Inc. We speak, volunteer for, and raise funds to support veterans and their families. By sharing our stories of our children, we increase the awareness of Gold Star Mothers and our mission. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 58

The stress of loss did unbelievable damage to my body and mind. At the beginning, the doctors medicated me to keep from hurting myself. It was highly suggested that I speak with a psychiatrist. The gift she gave me was knowing that everything I thought, believed, or felt was perfectly “normal,” I was not going insane or losing my mind. I learned to play golf to release anger and I thought I released stress too. Years later, I know that stress is truly a silent killer. It has taken its toll on my body and mind.

1. • Doctors became a way of life for me. Workman’s Comp injury to physical and mental deterioration. Dr. Arrow believed the shock and stress of Jeffrey’s murder triggered the migraines. Dr. Arrow prescribed an emergency shot that I jabbed into my thigh, like an epi-pen for bee stings as the migraine pain was excruciating. I had five or more migraines a week. The next diagnoses were Type II Diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • I genuinely thought I was losing my mind. I told her, “I thought I would die, but I did not. I spend most days playing the game, would have, could have, and should have in my head.” Dr. Carlin told me, “You can play those games forever, and it will never change what happened.” Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • My body weighed one hundred pounds more than the day Jack Ashe murdered Jeffrey. My transcripts showed I took weight training, golf, and swimming in college, but the weight would not come off. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 3

• I have never practiced meditation as most people look at it. I found peace and a few minutes of letting go of the pain just for a moment. Smacking that little white ball released anger, yet I was out in Mother Nature enjoying the serenity and peace of the vegetation and animals on the golf course. Where I live in Florida, we see all different varieties of birds, along with various animals including alligators, turtles, deer, squirrels, coyotes, and even bobcats. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 40

1. • When Jeffrey was murdered, I struggled to find anything to read that helped me to understand what had happened to me and my life. Everything had changed. I constantly play the “Should Have, Would Have, Could Have” game. My brain just would not stop going over and over how this horrible loss could have happened, should I have done something different to keep Jeffrey alive, or could I have changed his destiny. Dr. Carlson suggested reading a book that she believed would help me to find a sense of peace. The book was Embraced by the Light, by Betty Eadie. I read it straight through that night. I quickly realized why Dr. Carlin wanted me to read it. It gave me a new understanding of life and death. Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • Drifting in a sea of darkness with no work, a murdered child, and in extreme pain, I could see no way out of the hell my life had become. My depression deepened daily. It felt like I ran up the down escalator all day long. I went nowhere fast. It took everything I had to remember what I needed to do, including doctor’s appointments. I was home alone quite often, and my focus was only on what happened. My memories and concentration were a mass of confusion. I felt like I was spinning like a tornado on a swirling merry-go-round. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • This loss brought back deep, dark emotions from my memory. Horrible nightmares interrupted what little bit of sleep I was able to get. My thoughts avalanched deeper into the darkness of loneliness and isolation. My depression became steadily worse. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 41

1. • Looking back, I wish I had written down everything in a journal as the memories fade and change. One thing that really helped me was Dr. Carlin said, “Everything you are thinking, and feeling is normal.” Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41
   • People who have lost a child, loved one, or any devastating loss feel alone, avoided, and ignored by family members and friends, as they grow tired of hearing about the deceased loved one. The ones who lost became pariahs and avoided by people who knew them. They no longer mention your child or loved one’s name, as if they never existed. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

• An interesting thing I learned from Jeffrey was his beliefs about thoughts. He always said, “Mom, don’t say those kinds of things aloud. Do not even think those thoughts; you will curse yourself! Mom, listen, when you say things like stay out of trouble or make sure you get home on time, you always curse me.” I said, “Jeffrey, I do not have the power to put curses on people. I do not have power over the Universe.” “Seriously, Mom, you make that very thing happen,” Jeffrey said. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 40

• I knew my life was over when I saw Bud’s casket. I would never see Bud again. The validation of the moment overwhelmed me. Somehow, I managed to remain standing and did not pass out. In my mind, three thoughts went around and around like a merry-go-round. If only I could die. They could bury me along with Bud. There is enough room in the casket for me. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 40

• • I can honestly say that “Gratitude” took a long time to come back in my life. One memory of Gratitude that I cherish is the Tribute to the Troops group who gave me a plaque that hangs on the wall with Bud’s military photos, the letter from the President thanking us for his service, and his Sailor of the quarter plague. The heartfelt words they shared by these people allowed me to feel such gratitude in my heart. Just knowing that somebody would always remember Bud and Jeffrey’s legacies, and they would never be forgotten. Reference:  KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Epilogue

As time passed, I found ways to help myself and others. I searched for my new purpose and realized that I needed to fulfill a promise made to my two sons. Somewhere throughout their childhood, as a single mother, working difficult jobs with long hours, I promised these two little boys that when they grew up, I would go to college and “get an easier job.” This promise kept me alive the first six years after their losses. I did not speak to people, but I answered questions when asked. I started a study group to help other students, who I realized were the same ages that my sons would be, to learn the pride of receiving good grades and doing better in life

1. • I joined the American Gold Star Mothers, Inc., and took their mission statement to heart. “Finding strength in the fellowship of other Gold Star Mothers who strive to keep the memory of our sons and daughters alive by working to help veterans, those currently serving in the military, their families and our communities.” I found ways to honor my sons. I serve as the President of the Gulf Coast Chapter in Florida. Helping others heal allows me to continue to heal. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 58

1. • “Gold Star Mothers honor all vets who fought and died for this great country. We give back because this is what our children did — they gave. This is a way to heal with like-minded people and to keep their memories alive.” Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 58

1. • Gold Star Mothers raise funds for veterans, active-duty service members and their families, as well as other Gold Star families. They’re active year-round, visiting veterans at homes and hospitals, taking them snacks and gifts, reading them stories and letting them know someone is always there for them. Around the holidays, they raise funds for Wreaths Across America. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 58

1. • One of the things that helped me two-fold was when I got a Standard Poodle puppy named Hogan. After training Hogan, we walked three miles in the morning and two miles in the evening. We also swam daily in the pool. He became my best friend, and I had somebody to talk with who didn’t care if he’d heard a story about my two sons before. Hogan and I were inseparable. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 34

1. • Before the tragic deaths of Jeffrey and Bud, earning a college degree of any kind had not entered my mind. The Promise had been to convince Bud and Jeffrey that with an education, they could go anywhere and do anything. Originally, it had nothing to do with me. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 43

1. • Dr. Carlson told me years ago, when Jack Ashe murdered Jeffrey, that I needed to write the story and share it to help others. That never made sense to me until the very moment when I heard the Blackbird song. She knew then, and now I finally understood the messages given to me; it was my time to arise. It was such a powerful moment in my life. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 59

1. • People often asked me how I fulfilled The Promise to Bud and Jeffrey. It was simple, but complicated, simultaneously. Every day I did six things whether I wanted to or not—thanks to Kim. I got up; (Kim woke me up). I ate food; (Kim fed me—diabetic thing). I dressed; (Kim vetoed any nudity on campus). I did my homework; (Kim would not do homework, as she already had an MBA). I drove myself to campus; (Kim would not chauffeur me). I repeated this process. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 43

1. • Truthfully, there were days these six things took absolutely every freaking thing that I had, just to get through this list. In addition to Kim’s Rules, there were two synchronous things: I stayed sober, and I did not kill myself. These were incredibly important items in the scope of things. There were days that it would have just been so easy to drive myself over that big cliff at a high rate of speed from the top of the mountain. Days also existed when the numbness of copious amounts of alcohol might have been a gift. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 43

1. • Never one to do anything half-assed, I jumped into college with both feet. I told Kim I would sign up for a couple of classes, but my first semester at Surf City College began with six classes: Spanish, Survey of Business, Career Planning, Interpersonal Communication, Word, and Excel. Thankfully, the computer classes would be a refresher for me as I had experience using Microsoft Office. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 40

1. • I wanted to learn how to swim like Bud and Jeffrey used to swim. Competitive swimming was what I wanted to learn. I wanted to learn the breathing technique that allowed for continuous graceful laps. I also wanted to learn how to do those fancy flips at the end of the pool that Bud, and Jeffrey performed so gracefully. Bud, Jeffrey, and I attended hundreds of swim practices and swim meets as they were growing up. It always fascinated me that they could swim for hours and never seemed to get tired. I wanted to learn something they both enjoyed and excelled at doing. Reference:  BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 43

After the loss of my sons, I fell to the depths of hell, not once, but twice. Everything I had lived for and worked for over twenty-five years of my adult life was gone, in two years. In fact, I was sure that I would just die and go be with my two sons. The week before they murdered Jeffrey, I had received my chip for eight years of sobriety. I easily could have started drinking, but my sons were proud of me, so I stayed sober. I decided to eat myself to death. I gained one hundred pounds but did not die. I struggled to find a reason to still be alive. Routines and rules to follow provided structure to my day. I avoided addictive behaviors and shortened my To-Do lists and expectations.

1. • Time spent alone was not the friend of a grieving mother. Suddenly, I remembered the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” Well, let me tell you, that was bullshit, plain and simple. Time was not doing anything for me but driving me crazy. Whoever said this statement did not have a child murdered. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 32

1. • I played a game of would have, could have, and should have for hours in my head. I thought about Jeffrey. Did he suffer? Did he have anything he wanted to say to me? Was he angry with me for not bringing him to California with me? Would he still be alive if I forced him to come to California? Would Jeffrey ever forgive me? My functioning, dysfunctional brain kept me moving down the highways of America. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 32

1. • Other people may not understand the thoughts in your head, but there are other people who have been through the same experiences and care and will help you with the things you are thinking and feeling.

1. • I had already decided it was time to share the truth with Kim about my thoughts and plans. “I wanted you to know that this has not been an easy decision, but I have thought long and hard about this, Kim. I do not want to be here on Earth any longer. I researched and planned my demise. My only concern is that I do it correctly, so I do not end up in worse shape than I am right now. I have figured out a way to make it look like an accident, and I’m 99 percent sure I will not survive.” Kim replied, “Kathy, you have to give this more time, I don’t think that is what God has planned for you.” Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 39

1. • With the loss of my sons, and parents, so many things went wrong with my health, both mentally and physically. Doctors and medications kept me alive long enough to write this story. The physical and mental effects of these events triggered PTSD, complicated grief, anxiety, and deep depression, which kept me under enormous stress. I also dealt with incredible physical pain from the workman’s comp injury. This frozen shoulder involved three surgeries to tear scar tissue. Considering it is an enormous accomplishment to survive any of these individual events in life, I threw in the added pressure of earning a four-year college degree. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 43

1. • I often see the mother and or father of a murdered child crying for their lost child. They demand closure and justice. Sadly, Kim and I look at each other and say the same thing every time: There goes another family that will never be the same; ruined, they will never find closure or justice. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Conclusion

1. • Bud called me on The Promise I made to him and Jeffrey that when they grew up, I would go to college to get a degree, and an easier job. Bud and I started attending college together and made a pact to honor Jeffrey in everything we did. We became the people Jeffrey believed us to be. These things helped us to heal. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Introduction

1. • Listening to my soul, I discovered a sense of peace, and learned to use Limitless Resilience to move forward. I hope these stories inspire people to find their new purpose, and a way to honor their losses. For me, I live every day to make my sons proud, and be the person they believe me to be. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Author’s Notes

1. • Please know with the loss of a loved one, the love for that person, carries in your heart, never forgotten, and forever missed. Live powerfully and honor your loved one’s life. Help others to know that they too will survive and can thrive. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Conclusion

1. • The following list describes eight things’ people said to me about my life when I appeared in public again after the murder of my son Jeffrey.

• You need to go back to work.
• Aren’t you done crying yet?
• You need to keep busy.
• He is in a better place.
• You need to keep your mind occupied.
• Life goes on.
• You need to get over this.
• He got to go home and is with God.
• I had more, but you can get the idea. Can I just say people who have never lost a child have no idea what the hell they are talking about. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 43

• Death Count 2000 to 2009

• Grandad August 2000
• Kim’s Mom January 2001
• Jeffrey March 2001
• Bud August 2003
• Best Friend June 2004
• Jerry June 2006
• My Mom September 2006
• Kim’s Dad February 2007
• Brian February 2008
• My Dad February 2009

TOTAL LOSS — 10 Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic– Conclusion

1. • My escape from reality was to play with the poodles, Jake, Keleli, and Hogan. We took long walks, sat on the deck, watching the animals of the forest, especially the birds and the squirrels. We kept track of the weather and shared thousands of conversations together. It was easy to talk to the poodles, or not talk to them; they had no expectations of me. If I cried, they licked away my tears. They heard all the stories about my sons, over and over. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic– Chapter 1

1. • Kim and I took a work vacation to Oahu, and then an Island Hopper flight over to Maui, Jeffrey’s eternal home. We did the Big Expensive Vacation again, except for surfing. This trip and vacation would only have been better if Bud and Jeffrey were there to share the time with Kim and me. Unfortunately, that would never happen again. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 2

Not only did I lose my two sons, but my friends disappeared, and my family stopped talking to me. I lost my career to a workman’s comp injury and was never able to go back to the job I loved. With way too much time on my hands, I started college, volunteering, and made new friends and family. I focused on living every day to make my two sons proud, and to be the person they believed me to be. Honoring them, helping others, and sharing their stories kept me alive and moving forward.

• I researched this phenomenon and conducted over a hundred conversations with other people who have lost a child or loved one.
• They feel alone, avoided, and ignored by family members and friends.
• Family members grew tired of hearing about the deceased loved one.
• They became pariahs and avoided by people who knew them.
  People no longer mentioned their child or loved one’s name.
• It was as if their child or loved one never existed. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 43

1. • When I lost my child, I received a double whammy because I lost the rest of my family too. My parents never talked about the loss of my child. They died half a dozen years later. Even stranger, my extended family no longer speaks to me or about my sons. If not for Facebook, I would not know they were alive. Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 43

1. • July 26, 2001, was the last day I ever drove a tractor-trailer. The company officially put me out on workers’ compensation. Driving a truck had been my career for over a decade. I loved driving professionally. It allowed me to raise my two sons in a manner that gave them all the things they needed and wanted. I not only enjoyed the job, the travel, the friendship with the other drivers, but I cherished the freedom and time alone it gave me. Losing my career hit me hard. As another loss, it knocked me down even further. Reference:  JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 40

1. • Thanks to the Blackbirds, the Beatles song, and jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, I found my purpose. It was time to write the book Dr. Carlson asked me to write. I searched for a true story about someone who survived the murder of their children, but I could not find a book like that. It became clear to me that had I read a story like mine, I might have believed that there was hope that I could survive and find joy. It might not have taken me ten years to speak to people again. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Conclusion

• These stories offer people like me who suffered tragic loss, or a loss of any kind, to have something to read and absorb while they isolated, suffered, and even planned their demise. It became clear to me that these books could save lives. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Conclusion

1. • I stuck with the American Gold Star Mothers and found the current group of women in my local chapter. I currently serve as the President of the Gulf Coast Chapter in Florida. Thanks to the kindness and support of this group of mothers who lost a child, together, we support Veterans, their families, and the community allowing our small group to feel safe and comfortable with each other. We put the health and sanity of all the mothers first. Reference: Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Conclusion

1. • Told by the Universe, I got a job at a Funeral Home. On one of the worst days of their lives, I helped other people recognize the unbearable pain of the loss of a loved one, and that there was hope that they too would somehow make it through that pain. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 57

1. • I said, “I’ve been in your seat at this table. I understand what you are feeling and thinking. If you ever just need a hug, or to talk, or want to go to lunch, here is my business card, you can call me anytime.” Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 57
   • The mother always got up and came around the table to hug me and cried for five minutes or more. They knew that I understood exactly how they felt at that moment. They knew that I had been in the same pain they were in. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 57

1. • A Veterans Day Ceremony was held at the College where Bud attended. This was my first real exposure to this type of event. Bud’s Navy friends came to the ceremony to honor Bud. There were dignitaries who spoke. They all had wonderful, kind things to say about Bud. A congressperson presented a flag to me in honor of Bud’s service that had flown over the state capital. An American flag has flown over our home since Bud’s death, no matter where that home might be. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 37

1. • As a guest speaker, I spoke to over one hundred attendees in honor of Bud. I told of his love of his family, education, his commitment to help others, especially veterans to achieve their educational goals, his love of the U.S. Navy, and his passion for Harley-Davidson motorcycles. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 37

1. • Reflecting on this event, I realize my speaking career began on this day. It was the first time I shared Bud’s story. I also included Jeffrey’s story and mine, as our lives intertwined. The story of The Three Musketeers came back to life through my words. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Chapter 37

1. • Betty became our first friend in California. Our friendship developed after Jeffrey was murdered. If Kim were out of town for work, Betty would make me brownies. We shared dozens of brownies. The brownies turned out not to be a good thing for my health with type II diabetes was my next diagnosis, but I could have cared less. In fact, I hoped I would die. I could not picture a better way to die than eating pans of brownies. Reference: JEFFREY – The Injustice of Murder – Chapter 41

1. • Marisol was Bud’s fiancé and our friend. We stayed connected after the loss of Bud. We visited each other in the mountains of California and the beaches of Florida. Marisol had a son, not Bud’s, but we accepted him as our own grandchild. This was incredibly special for me, as I do not have other children or grandchildren. He had her in his life from the very beginning. Reference: KATHY – How I Survived Tragic Loss – Chapter 48
   • Bud’s Navy friend Don and I reconnected on Facebook when it came about. I enjoyed getting to know Don through Bud. Still today, Don visits Kim and me when he comes to Florida. It warms my heart every time I hear from him, as it somehow provides me with just a little piece of Bud. Reference: BUD – Homicide Turns a Blue Star Gold – Afterword